BB00121: Prayer for Haji Isma’il

Date: 1262 [1845-1846]

In the Name of God, the All-Merciful, the Compassionate.

Praise be to God Who created me by His behest, then nourished me through His bounty, then gave me to eat after I hungered. There is no God but He, the Almighty, the All-Wise.

O my God! How shall I call upon Thee, when the utmost end of my supplication returns unto my own soul, plaintive over the vile deeds I have wrought? And how shall I not call upon Thee, when my heart hath been ever enraptured with Thy love, unable to endure Thy separation, to be silent from communion with Thee, or to remain far from the seats of Thy nearness?

O my God! Thou art the Beloved, there is none besides Thee, and Thou art the Intended One, there is none other than Thee. I have known Thee through Thee and called upon Thee through Thy love for me. Were it not for Thee, I would be nothing, neither could I remember Thee, nor drink from the pure wine of Thy love, nor dwell in the precincts of Thy bounty, nor be established upon the throne of Thy sovereignty, nor mention Thy favors before Thy favored servants.

All good is from Thee and in Thy grasp. From the first day Thou didst honor me with every favor, with the sweetness of Thy remembrance and the beauty of Thy beneficence. Thou art God, there is none other God save Thee. Thy handiwork hath ever been perfect, Thy generosity forever all-embracing. If I say, “I praise Thee,” in that same moment it is Thy remembrance that enables me to praise Thee, and Thy mercy that encompasses me, and Thy bounties that surround me; for hadst Thou not remembered me, I had not remembered Thee; and hadst Thou not shown me gratitude, I had not shown Thee thanks; and hadst Thou not unveiled Thyself to me according to Thy Will, the core of my heart had not found rest in the presence of Thy Self-Sufficiency. Thy justice hath, from everlasting, encompassed me; Thy trials abide within my inmost being; the chastisement of Thy equity hath, before now and at every moment, stood before mine eyes.

Alas! Alas! Shouldst Thou will my punishment, or desire my chastisement, or resolve to call me to account, or determine to seize me—glorified art Thou, glorified art Thou!—then, when I behold Thy dealings with Thy sincere and unified servants, my heart is set at rest, my breast is emptied of disquiet, my secret is stilled, and my soul entreateth Thee:

“O my God, admit me to Thy neighborhood among the near ones; cheer me with the meeting with Thee among the triumphant; give me to drink the water of Thy mercy from the goblet of Thy care among the pure in heart; and honor me with Thy favors among the faithful.”

Verily, Thou art God, my Lord and the Lord of all the worlds.

But when I behold Thy vengeance upon the idolaters, the pillars of my heart are shaken; the very flesh within my breast is confounded; my skin shuddereth; my eyes and bowels weep; and my inmost being crieth out: “How could I enter the fire? And if I were to endure therein, how could I endure to be parted from the meeting with my Lord?” Nay, by His might! I have no endurance, nor can I bear it. And if Thou dost cast me therein, I shall cry out among its folk such cries as shall cause them all to gasp; I shall burn therein in such wise that the people of torment shall be struck down; and I shall cry: “O my Lord, my Master, my God!

Thou art independent of my punishment; I am poor for Thy good-pleasure and Thy forgiveness. If Thou forgivest me and deliverest me from the fire, naught of Thy dominion is diminished; and if Thou feedest me with the fruits of Thy Paradise, naught in the heavens and the earth addeth aught to Thee.” I am he who is afflicted by his sin, O my God; I am he who confesseth his trespasses, O my Master; I am the negligent, the derelict, who felt no shame before Thee in solitude, nor watched for Thee in the assembly.

I am he who disobeyed Thee after Thou hadst made me to know Thy vengeance; who sinned in Thy presence, though aware that Thou seest me and beholdest my station. I am he who waxed heedless of the stations of them who draw nigh, though not even for a fleeting moment didst Thou withhold from me Thy promptings, Thy attracting breath, Thy sweet savors, and the tokens of Thy intimacy.

With what tongue, then, shall I confess my sin? With what eye shall I read my offences inscribed in the scrolls of the angels, before Thy face? With what pen shall I record my deeds? With what heart shall I survey my trespasses while life yet remaineth in me? Hallowed be Thy Name, hallowed be Thy Name!

Thou knowest, O my God, my condition; Thou lookest upon my misdeeds; Thou countest my works. I am he who banished his own self from Thy neighborhood; I am he who debarred himself from the meeting with Thee; I am he who, through ignorance, turned away from Thy promises. I bartered the life of the hereafter for this first life that perisheth; I busied myself with its trappings and adornments after I had read in Thy Book the bounties of Thy Paradise and heard from Thy near ones that “they who purchase the life of this world with the hereafter—their chastisement shall not be lightened, nor shall they be helped.”

Alas! Alas! I am he who offended the Lord of heaven and earth; I am he who transgressed against the King of Paradise and the Throne; I am he who denied the signs of the All-Compelling, Lord of the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. I am he who repented unto my Lord, then sinned again; who sought Thy forgiveness, then relapsed; who lamented his crimes, then returned unto them. I yearned for Thy unity, yet by that very yearning I recalled my own self in the presence of Thy wrath; I desired to worship Thee, and thereby I set my soul before Thy might; I sought to remember Thee, and my remembrance proved but a remembrance of myself, veiling me from Thy Countenance; I would exalt Thy holiness, and thus I likened Thee to an attribute of Thy creatures; I would proclaim Thy transcendence, and thus I described Thee with what ill befitteth Thy sanctity in the realm of Thy might.

I would glorify Thee, yet by my glorification I ascribed a partner to Thee—after Thou hadst taught me that none describeth Thee but Thyself, none knoweth Thee save Thee, none can conjoin with Thy Essence, none comprehend the core of Thy Being; that Thou canst not be worshipped by a selfhood like mine, nor pointed to by an identity such as mine; that naught can match the majesty of Thy Will, nor any thing depart from the beauty of Thy Self-Sufficiency.

Glorified art Thou! I would intend Thy praise, yet by so doing I rehearsed for Thee the qualities of Thy creation, after Thou hadst taught me that Thou hast eternally been without the mention of aught, and wilt forever be without the description of aught; that Thou hast, from everlasting, been such that naught ascendeth unto Thee; and wilt, unto everlasting, remain such that naught is lifted up unto Thee; that the ultimate goal of such as seek Thee leadeth back to the station of Thy origination; that the end of the journey of the unitarians halteth before the beauty of Thy splendor; that the highest essences of being, in the days of their ascent, are returned unto the court of Thy invention; and that the loftiest summits of possibles revolve, like unto the letter Kaf about itself, when they intend Thy gate, and descend into the abyss of the ocean of Thy signs.

Glorified art Thou! I would assert Thy oneness, yet by that claim I regarded my own self in the presence of the majesty of Thy singleness—after Thou hadst inspired me that unity cannot be established by the twofold realm of mention; that the word of justice cannot be contained within the two names; that the mystery of meeting cannot be mirrored in two mirrors; that Thou art too exalted to be known by Thy creation, or described by Thy servants, or indicated by Thy signs, or affirmed in Thine indivisible unity by aught that is of Thy Names. Thou art He Who, in the pre-eternal eternity, is unknowable; in the flux of time, indescribable; unto Whom no sign may be lifted; upon Whom no token may bear testimony; Whose essential mirror no thing can confront; from Whose essential justice no thing can depart—inasmuch as Thou hast manifested Thyself unto them in the realm of indication, descended upon them from the heaven of signs, looked upon them in the kingdom of the Cloud, of the Names and the Attributes, with a gaze no one among the denizens of endless realms and hallowed veils can compass.

Glorified art Thou! I would magnify Thy Self, yet thereby I made small Thy greatness, reducing it to a thing my feeble soul can behold—weak is the seeker and the Sought! Woe is me for that which I have accounted of Thy majesty: my soul is lowly, my vision paltry. How, then, can I extol the grandeur of Thy glory with the weakness of my soul and the littleness of my deeds? Thou alone canst know the greatness of Thine own Self; for all besides Thee—what is the utmost of their portion save the point of denial? what is the farthest reach of their favor save the point of severance?—are, and all they conceive of magnifying Thy majesty is, small before Thy glory and naught before Thy beauty.

I know not, O my God, how it is that I stand a stranger before Thee, addressing Thee with such words that, were any other to comprehend them, he would say of me what ’Ali, son of al-Husayn—Thy Proof, son of Thy Proof—said regarding one in his day; or, should I attain the court of Thy nearness and drink of the cup of Thy sweetness, I find myself unable to ascribe aught to Thee: if I would glorify Thee, the bounds of my being rebuke me; if I would sanctify Thee, the limits of my station strike fear into me; if I would affirm Thy unity, my estate chastiseth me; if I would magnify the majesty of Thy Being, those in heaven and earth make me small until I am as though I were not, as a mote, and they upbraid me, saying: “With this littleness thou magnifiest thy Lord and feelest no shame before His court!”

Alas, alas! The right was with them, the sin with me. How shall I say, “I am he who sinned, and Thou art He Who forgave”? How shall I say, “I erred, and Thou didst conceal”? How shall I say, “I forgot Thy remembrance,” when Thou hast ever remembered Thy fearful servants? How shall I say, “I grew distant,” when Thou art nearer unto me than all things? Nay, by Thy might! I will not say “I,” nor blush at the avowal thereof; rather will I say: Thou art my God and my Beloved; Thou art my Master and my Desire; Thou art my Lord and my Summoner; Thou art my Chief and the end of all my hopes; Thou art my Possessor and the goal of my longing.

If I say, “From everlasting Thou hast ever been—Thou, Thou,” the sweetness of Thy remembrance will not affright my heart; nay, at every recurrence I taste a second rapture of love that no memory can compare with that first remembrance. Blessed then am I, and yet again how blessed, how peerlessly blessed, by Thy grace and the sweetness of my communion with Thee!

I praise Thee for that Thou hast silenced me in the Abode of Eternity within Thy neighborhood, and given me to drink of the wine of nearness from Thy two hands, O Beloved of those who know, O Companion of the desolate, O Goal of the seekers! If Thou hast made me oppressed in the hands of the transgressors, yet, from Thy bounty, Thou hast inspired me with such supplications as wherein I find repose in Thy neighborhood and patience in my meeting with Thee. By Thy might! A single letter thereof, with me, is more glorious than were all who are in heaven and on earth subjected unto me, and I then made a witness over all that are on earth, and Thou didst exact vengeance upon my enemies altogether, to the delight of mine eyes—for these invocations shall remain in the Tablets of them who draw nigh; and they—if God will—shall recall me after my passing by chanting them before Thee; and Thou, after my death, shalt glory in these prayers amidst Thy righteous servants, and shall send down upon me, at every instant, the recompense befitting Thy generosity and grace.

Glorified art Thou, O my God! Thine be praise, in the kingdom of Command and Creation—praise that transcendeth the praise of all beings and is exalted above the praise of all besides Thee: a praise gleaming, radiant, resplendent, hallowed, scintillating, ringing forth—everlasting, eternal, perpetual—as Thou lovest and art well-pleased; as Thou art, in Thine exaltation, Thy oneness, Thy majesty, and Thy might—beyond the reach of all comprehension.